This is my journey from darkness to bright light. The deepest darkness is where I have been. Darkness, for me, was all that I knew. It was the place I felt best being in.
The trembling in her voice was so real as I listened. Even I could feel the darkness, and the fear that resides there.
Wearing the Masks
While I was there, I was someone else. And that someone else felt like me. How was I to know this was only parts of me, the masks I wore for those I needed to wear them for?
How was I to know that when I crawled — and I mean crawled — out from behind the veil of darkness, there would be nowhere to be found? It took me so long to get to where I was. And it took me longer still to get to where I am.
No one else could understand, because we are all unique beings. Not even I recognized it as a dark place. They didn’t see it as a dark place either — how could they? Most of them had never been there. So, without explanation, I remained hidden in the shadows.
Stepping Away From the Shadows
Not long ago, that’s where I was. But I am fortunate enough to say that was not a place I knew I would stay forever. It didn’t happen overnight, but all I knew is that stepping away felt right.
As I slowly stepped away, I had to hold myself so tight. Keeping it together was all I needed to do, so I held on with all my might. This loneliness, I had to feel. This darkness, I knew was real. I needed to let myself feel that it existed. But now was the time not to resist it.
The opportunity to slowly step away had presented itself to me. And in that moment, I had to trust that if I chose to jump into the light, I too would be set free.
From Darkness, Finding My Own Bright Light
Now, I’m healing in a way that allows me to be my best self. Thank you for coming to the rescue. Thank you for helping me stand tall when I felt like I could fall. Thank you for showing me the way, every day, and for showing me the light.
Even when it was only a flicker, that flicker grew into a bigger, brighter shine. I started to embrace this light, and it grew to be mine. All this time, I never realized I was the one who was the light. It was always a part of me I could not see. When I looked in the mirror, I was too busy feeling blue to take the time to truly look.
So today, I stand tall, knowing I may still fall. But I look in the mirror, and I see my shine. That, to me, sends chills up my spine. This shine is bright, and it is my light. This is what I hold on to, with all my might.
Together, We Glow
You have always been there for me — so bright, so shiny. How could I not see you? Well, I see you now, and I’m proud to say I am here for you, as you have always been here for me. Together, we have been set free.
Together, we will glow. And as we glow, and as we grow, we both know we have always been one.
I have gone from darkness to bright light, and I am the light. My light is bright.
This kind of healing is often at the heart of spiritual counseling, walking through the whole self, not just the parts that are easy to look at. Support around healing and mental wellness, such as the resources provided by the Government of New Brunswick, continues to affirm what many already feel: healing takes time, and it isn’t linear.